Calling All Bible Virgins

I made a reference in a post a little while ago that I want to curl up and read the Bible, pretending God was my father reading it aloud to me as I fell asleep. the impulse to use my imagination for such things comes, unsurprisingly, from the fact that I have almost no relationship with my own father.

So today, when he texted me and asked me if I’d seen the movie “The Blind Side” - I told him yes, I had and what did he think, but internally wondered what had possessed him to ask. His response was, “The best. I wanted to tell you I cried when he said he’d never had one before…a bed. Made me think of you.”

This rocked me to the core. That statement meant so much, I can only attempt to explain why to you. Growing up, I was the 2nd of four children but in reality the middle kid in every practical way. My older sister was the oldest, my younger brother the only boy, and my younger sister not only the youngest sibling but the one with the worst temper. So, in comparison with my other siblings - my parents had to do very little parenting with me because I learned not to be a handful. And as you can imagine, that made me pretty transparent sometimes.

We moved a lot and often, no - ALWAYS, I would end up sharing a room. First it was with my brother because we were so close in age. Then my younger sister, once my brother got old enough that privacy had become a necessity. I didn’t mind so much because at least I always had my own bed and could draw a line across the bedroom with tape if a sibling got too testy.

But when I was fourteen, my parents finally bought a house. It was tiny, a real fix-er-upper and probably far too ambitious for them. It was also only a 3 bedroom, with very small bedrooms. Which I would come to find not only meant sharing as usual, but some extreme compromise & patience on my part. My brother was 13, so he definitely needed his own space. Which left the other bedroom to my younger sister and I, seeing as the oldest was at college. The only problem with this bedroom was that it barely had enough room for one twin bed. So my parents got creative.

My dad decided to get even more ambitious and take on the project of converting half the garage into a fourth bedroom for me. He figured that if they worked on converting the garage, they could just give my sister an old loft bed and have me sleep in a sleeping bag underneathe for just a few months until he was finish. He started out with the best of intentions, got the framing up and the floor laid out. But progress kind of halted there.

Every morning before school even in the winter, I would have to run out to the garage to access my dresser and change, sometimes having to tear down cobwebs or kill a spider hanging out in a dresser drawer or in one of my shoes. Then, every night I would go back out to change into pajamas and go into my little sister’s room to crawl back into my sleeping bag. I never complained much, because I always figured my dad would get around to it eventually. I was used to being on the back burner. So, I slept in the sleeping bag for another six months.

Then one day my parents found a bigger house that had five bedrooms. Five! That meant one for my parents, one for each kid, and another for an office or guest room. We were all excited - but none more excited than me. I didn’t care how big my room was, all I cared was that I was 15 and finally getting a bedroom all to myself! But my parents, for the first time in a long time, realized how big of a deal it was for me too. So they gave me the biggest room out of all the rooms. They let me pick colors and paint my room however I wanted (I chose pink melon & tangerine stripes). And then… they told me that I didn’t have to sleep in the sleeping bag anymore.

They were giving me a queen sized bed, all to myself. I can remember, that first night, crying myself to sleep. Because in those covers that matched my walls and on that big comfy mattress, I felt like ‘Big Mike’ in “The Blindside.”

I fell asleep, with tears on my cheeks, thinking… “I’ve never had a room before, not of my own. And I had forgotten how good it felt to sleep in a real bed.”

My dad actually noticed the correlation betwen Big Mike and I. By text messaging me with that message, he let me know that he noticed how I’d felt as a kid. He acknowledged that he’d recognized what a big deal that bedroom & that bed has been to me. Even though my dad and I won’t ever be close, he noticed me. That’s alright because Jesus fills in the gaps of the love I never got as a kid and gives me the strength in my heart to keep loving my dad regardless of the lack of our relationship. And acts of love come in all shapes and sizes.

anditslove:

in everyone.

I think think this is the trick to loving everyone and everything as God’s creation - looking for ourselves, for pieces of us, in everyone and everything. It’s hard to be really mad at or hate yourself, isn’t it?

Psalm 105:4
⁴ Look to the LORD and his strength; 
seek his face always.

Luke 10:39-42
³⁹She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
⁴¹“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴²but only one thing is needed.^[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

“RELAX IN MY HEALING PRESENCE. As you spend time with Me, your thoughts tend to jump ahead to today’s plans and problems. Bring your mind back to Me for refreshment and renewal. Let the Light of My Presence soak into you, as you focus your thoughts on Me. Thus I equip you to face whatever the day brings. This sacrifice of time pleases Me and strengthens you. Do not skimp on our time together. Resist the clamor of tasks waiting to be done. You have chose what is better, and it will nto be taken away from you.”

——

Okay Jesus, you called me on it. I totally skimped today. I skimped on our time together because of ‘fear of man’, well maybe ‘frustration with man’ might be a more concise label. Since I have just been feeling turned off by relationships I’ve started in church this week and have been missing relationship with you. So instead of pursuing relationship with you today, I sat around complaining internally over how awful mankind can be sometimes. Wondering why you even love us at all. And really, that self-pity gets no one anywhere. Let’s make it a date tonight, okay? You. Me. The Word. Some prayer. Bed time? Deal.

Lord, I am in awe of your grace. Please give me some semblance of that grace RIGHT NOW. I feel SO much like a fish out of water and it is so uncomfortable. I want to be likeable but I’m not willing to compromise my heart just to fit in. Please give me your patience, your kindness & the kind of fortitude needed to last tonight. I want to grow through you. Amen.

“Hello all,

I really don’t know what to say other than just saying it (it happened so quickly). I received an email from Kate Butcher this morning informing me of Jodi Bardinelli’s passing. She was diagnosed only a month or so ago with terminal cancer and last night after a month long fight she passed away. Thank you all for your prayers and please keep praying for her family. I pray that through this tragedy God’s glorious hand is seen and those who do not know Him will come to a meaningful relationship with Him. Life is fragile and at any moment we can be taken from this earth. With the new year right around the corner please take the time to reflect on the loved ones in your life…when was the last time you said that you loved them? What does that look like? The greatest way we can tell/show people we love them is by sharing with them the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Is there someone on your heart? What are you waiting for? I know that in this new year it is time for me to start living a life that matters…let’s do this together. I love you all, many blessings and graces to you all in the new year.

Much grace,

-Chad”

I feel so sad - we were just talking two days ago about what we could do to help Jodi in our community groups. Chad is one of the community group leaders from my church.

But WOW. That part of Chad’s letter I bolded really slammed my heart. Is there someone on your heart?

Romans 12:2
²Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Jeremiah 29:11
¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

“COME TO ME with a teachable spirit, eager to be changed. A close walk with Me is a life of continual newness. Do not cling to old ways as you step into a new year. Instead, seek My Face with an open mind, knowing that your journey with Me involves being transformed by the renewing of your mind. As you focus your thoughts on Me, be aware that I am fully attentive to you. I see you with a steady eye, because My attention span is infinite. I know and understand you completely; My thoughts embrace you in everlasting Love. I also know the plans I have for you: plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Give yourself fully to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to My Presence.”

—————————-

I think anyone who has met me in the last three months can tell you that ‘eager’ & ‘teachable’ are definitely words to describe me right now. I am so incredibly passionate about pursuing a relationship with Christ and with getting to know God through scripture. I honestly find myself on a kind of high as I learn new things, learn more about myself, learn more about Jesus’ unconditional & unswerving love for me, and as I meet new people and get to converse with them about the Lord. A couple of people have looked at me and said, “Wow… you’re just so…IN IT right now.” In the thick of it; wading in waist deep. And I’m all about that right now.

But the truth is I do have some old ways to let go of (don’t we all?). The most blatant of which is cursing like a sailor. My Bible Virgin Ladies might be a little shocked to see the way I talk with my peers, but when you find out that I was raised by a bunch of surrogate big brothers and have never really had anyone put emphasis on propriety for me – cursing just developed naturally. I justified it for the longest time because I wasn’t ‘cursing anyone’ – just throwing it out into the universe. But the truth is, it’s a filthy habit and I’ll have to save it for if/when I ever end up in the military & soap my yapper until I learn to talk like a lady. Another ‘way’ of mine that I need to change is being so prone to passive aggressive judgment. I have the habit of being nice to everyone, but if I find someone offensive or if someone rubs me the wrong way – then I just kind of cut them out of the picture and avoid them. The truth is that I need to accept everyone with their warts, and whether I get close to them or not, use those aversions as opportunities to grow instead of opportunities to stay in my box. I have a list of some more personal things to change as well, but I don’t feel like making this a confessional post.

I feel like this post should be about hope. HOPE. How much of it do you have in your life right now? I told a new friend two days ago that I felt like God had taken this blackened charcoaled cup-shaped heart of mine, which was filled the darkness & gnarliness of my life so far, and He threw it to the ground to shatter it. Then, He placed a crystal cup in its place – that is empty, transparent & whose depths are infinite. And the more I grow in Christ, the more my cup is filled and the room for love in my heart just grows and grows. He is ‘infinitely attentive’ to my heart, my thoughts, my intentions, my choices & the events of my life. Being in relationship with Christ, being open & attentive to the Holy Spirit, and being both fearful of God and so incredibly thankful for His love – it has all just made me feel as if I am growing exponentially by the moment.  How could that not make me hopeful? How could you not find hope in the understanding that where there is Jesus – there is the most unbelievable capacity to love, be loved, and express love? I’m telling you people – for me, and hopefully for all of you too – this year is all about HOPE.

derekthornton:

Genesis 4 I must say that for many years, I really didn’t understand why God rejected Cain’s sacrifice. It was only in this past year that understanding came.

By faith Abel offered to God…

I have to reblog this because when I read Derek’s words on confusion about Cain & Abel, it was like he was voicing my very same thoughts when I read Genesis this past two weeks. Some great thoughts are offered up here, take a look if you get the chance.

I realized this morning that since I started going to church & getting more proactive in my relationship with Jesus three months ago - I have started traded my all black/dark wardrobe (which I justified because everything always matched) for more bright colors and bright white. The truth is this change isn’t just in my wardrobe. I truly feel like a new person. like a lighter, brighter, more vibrant version of my former self.

It’s all praise for Jesus.